The Power of Silent Solutions
Ssshh! There's another way to solve your problems!
In an effort to improve his home security, salt lake city resident Dave Palazzolo installed a smart camera in front of his house. Almost immediately, it went off.
‘‘You get the alert, and you have an immediate sense of anxiety. Someone’s going to do harm to me.’’
The intruder? A 4-year-old kid riding a bike on his driveway.
Every evening, Dave got another alert. And every time he checked, it was the same kid on his bike. Day after day. At first he was annoyed, but then inspiration struck. With the help of his wife, he devised a way to deal with the situation. Soon he found himself looking forward to the security alerts, and they quickly became the best part of his summer.
How did he turn things around? And what can we learn about getting the outcome we want without even saying a word?
How to Deal with Kids Playing on Your Driveway
After creating his master plan, Dave decided it was time to put it into action. One evening he grabbed some chalk, headed over to his driveway and started drawing. But did he write KEEP OFF in bold letters?
‘‘It is always this same kid just tearing it up on the flat concrete. Something needed to be done. So I built him a racetrack!’’
All over his driveway, Dave drew a playful racetrack with twists and turns. Then he waited. As the next day came along, the same kid passes by. But this time upon arrival, he slowed down. He was confused by what was in front of him. Now at a full stop, he took a long and curious look. Noticing the hesitation, his mom pointed to the start area. In a flash the kid was off to do a few laps around the track, filled with excitement.
Why is this story so important?
Because it’s a great example that you can get what you want, without saying anything, while doing something nice at the same time.
Although the homeowner decided to draw a track around his entire driveway, he could have also drawn it only on the areas he didn’t mind the kid riding. He could have then drawn big X’s or fire with the caption ‘Danger Zone’ as a fun way to signal where the kid shouldn’t go.
It’s a very simple and effective solution. But unfortunately people rarely react that way. So when it does happen, it turns into a viral video.
Love Thy Neighbor
Unfortunately, hostility is the most common reaction to such a situation. Even the homeowner admits he was annoyed at first. Going through the comments on the video, that’s what the viewers expected as well:
‘‘What I was expecting: I set up an auto sprinkler.”
‘‘This caught me off-guard I thought dude was gonna yell at the kid.’’
‘‘Something needed to be done... Me: Put a gate.’’
‘‘Not gonna lie, when it said ‘‘Something needed to be done’’ I thought he was gonna have something pop out and scare the sh*t outta this kid.’’
Although it’s nice that most people were pleasantly surprised by the homeowner’s actions, it shows that our default way of thinking is retaliation. In fact, it’s not uncommon for people’s first reactions to be so hostile, as can be seen in this news story about a neighbor calling the police because kids were playing in their own yard.
What’s the outcome when we do decide to retaliate?
Worst case, you become internet-famous for being the jerk who called the police on kids playing on their own trampoline.
In a more typical case, you create a hostile environment. You make the parents aggressive, you traumatize an innocent kid, and you end up frustrating yourself even further.
As a result, you’re not going to get what you want, and you’ll be faced with uncooperative and unfriendly neighbors.
So rather than thinking of putting up a barrier or turning on the sprinklers, try to find a peaceful way to handle the situation. By doing so you’ll get what you want, make a kid happy, and the parents will appreciate you as their neighbor. As the boy’s father, Josh, puts it:
‘‘It’s been amazing […] that we can be a part of something like that. That we can see the good side of humanity. Feels good.’’
Do Good Things and Good Things Will Happen to You
‘‘Your home is now the most protected one in your neighborhood’’
That’s how one commenter puts it, and it does a great job of summarizing the whole idea.
Who would help if you are a hostile person? No one.
What if you are always friendly? My bet is that most people would.
Of course you shouldn’t just act nice because you expect favors in return. But if you ever did need legitimate help, you can count on more people to have your back. Sometimes you’ll be rewarded with small but wholesome gestures. Which is what happened to Dave.
‘‘He's a super sweet kid. After a rain storm had washed the track away, I came out and he was drawing on my driveway with chalk. So I asked him what he was doing. He said: I'm drawing a racetrack for you.’’
If you do good things to people, they’re likely to return the favor by doing something good to you. Sometimes not, but it never makes things worse. Either way, you should still try to do the right thing.
After all of this, if Dave asked the kid or his parents not to do something, do you think they would listen to him?
Choosing the Silent Solution
Next time you find yourself getting upset at someone or something, try this:
Think back to the video. Just like you and me, Dave was annoyed with the kid. It’s a natural first reaction, but we don’t have to act on our thoughts or emotions.
Then ask yourself: is there a way I can peacefully solve this? Is there a win-win solution? Dave could have put up a fence or yelled at the kid. But he didn’t, he thought of a creative solution. Is there a creative solution to your problem?
If nothing works, then you can always try a stronger approach. But leave that until the end, there are plenty of other things you can try first before escalating.
If you choose to immediately escalate, you’ll just make everything worse. You’ll make the parents act aggressively, the kid might choose to get back at you later, you’ll frustrate yourself to no end. No one will listen to you or do want you want. You’ll always lose.
So try something different. Try Dave’s approach.
You can use silent actions to not only get what you want, but also leave a positive impact.
As one commenter wrote:
‘‘Kid having some innocent fun on your property:
Option 1: Get annoyed
Option 2: Be wholesome’’
Choose option 2.
Be wholesome.
Thanks very much for reading!
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Matthieu