To Apologize or Not to Apologize
Why making amends is the right thing to do
Reddit user archieisbeast asks if it would be weird to write an apology letter to his local GP.
‘‘Long story short I’ve had a little bit of a mental health crisis lately. I was not easy to understand or cooperative. I have a few memories of me in this state and I was absolutely foul to my local GP and the receptionist.
Would apologizing in a letter be appropriate? I’m not at all banned or anything I’m just feeling really guilty and my partner is telling me to let it go.’’
Yes, apologizing is the right thing to do. Here’s why and how to do it.
Doing Good to Others
Acting difficult during mental health issues is understandable, especially if you don’t have full control over yourself, emotions or thoughts. Although healthcare professionals are equipped to deal with challenging situations, that doesn’t mean they’re always unaffected.
Moreover, despite doing such vital work people rarely thank them or apologize for their actions.
That’s why seeing a thank you or apology can have such a strong impact.
It can make their jobs feel easier and worthwhile, uplift their state of mind and help them get through difficult times.
As multiple people working in healthcare commented:
‘‘GP receptionist here [...] Id be happy to receive such a letter’’.
‘‘I work in GP, and deal with a lot of mental health patients. […] It would be a lovely gesture if you did write a letter to the practice. Letters of appreciation really do go a long way.’’
‘‘My wife is a GP and she would love to get a polite letter of apology sometimes.’’
One user who was in a similar position wrote that it helped with their bond:
‘‘My apology was gratefully accepted and it helped strengthen our relationship.’’
At worst, an apology will go ignored. At best, it might brighten someone’s day or improve your relationship with them.
Writing an Apology
Knowing what to say and how to say it can be a challenge. That’s why it’s important to keep things short and sincere.
Start by acknowledging what you did and take responsibility for it. Even if it wasn’t entirely your fault, avoid blaming anyone else or making excuses.
Although an apology is a good start, what makes a big difference is adding a thank you as well. People are rarely thanked for doing the right thing, which is why doing so has a strong positive impact.
Putting those together, here’s what an apology could look like:
Dear…
I wanted to apologize for being so difficult during my visits. I hope you understand that I wasn’t in the right state of mind, and under usual circumstances I would never behave in such a way. However, I don’t want to make any excuses for my actions, I acted the way I did. Now that I’m in a better state of mind, I’ve been able to reflect on my behavior and I don’t feel proud of how I acted.
Therefore, I wanted to say sorry for being so difficult, and to thank both you and the receptionist for putting up with me. Thank you for your kindness, patience and professionalism during my time of struggle. I know you deal with a lot of patients, and have a very stressful job, and I probably didn’t make things easier. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way I did, and I’m extremely grateful that you continued to help me regardless.
I hope you have the courage and strength to continue helping people in need, regardless of their actions. I will not forget how you’ve helped me, and I will do my best to do better in the future.
Kind regards.
When in Doubt, Lean Towards an Apology
To anyone wondering if they should apologize for something they felt they did was wrong, the answer is also yes.
Whether you were:
Impatient with a customer service rep over the phone
Angry at a coworker for making a mistake
Told your kids to be quiet a bit too aggressively
By choosing to apologize, you’re actively reflecting on your behavior and acknowledging that you did something wrong. This is a necessary step to learning and growing as a person, as well as a way to heal, and move past feelings of guilt or shame.
Just as importantly it will strengthen your relationship with the other person by rebuilding trust and respect.
Although it’s quite hard, try to say sorry in the moment. Otherwise the best thing you can do is to just go see them again, call back, write a letter or email.
Everyone makes mistakes. But not everyone owns up to them.
You’ll only be making things better for yourself and others.
Post Script
Just a simple reminder to everyone: don’t forget to thank your healthcare workers.
The work they do is incredibly difficult and indispensable.
So next time you’re at the doctor’s office, remember to say thank you on the way out!
Thanks very much for reading!
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Matthieu