How a $5 Tip Became a Priceless Lesson
Avoiding someone’s game is the easiest way to win
As the waiter arrived at the next table, he noticed there were 5 dollar bills already laid out.
Before he could say anything, the patron began talking.
“See this? This is your tip. Every time you make a mistake or if my cup goes empty or if I have to ask for something twice, I take away a dollar. Simple concept, right?”
What followed was a masterclass in keeping cool and gracefully handling an unpleasant situation.
Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes
“Tell you what, sir. I want you to go ahead and pick that money up now and put it back in your pocket. I want you to enjoy your meal and not have to worry about constantly monitoring my performance. So if that means you don’t tip me, then so be it — it’s more important to me that you focus on your own experience.”
“Uh — well — I mean… no, it’s fine! I always do this! It’s not any extra work for —”
“No, sir. Please. Hold onto that money, I insist.”
“Okay… but that means no tip.”
“Yessir, I’m fully aware. It’s absolutely not an issue. What can I start you off with to drink tonight?”
He ordered an Iced Tea and chugged it as quickly as he got it. When the waiter came back with a refill, he was waiting with an empty cup in his hand.
“See there? That would have been a deduction.”
“Well then I guess I’m happy we decided not to play that game.”
Like a Deer in Headlights
The story above was shared by Reddit user How_that_convo_went in a post about tipping.
How he acted was the best possible approach to the situation. He kept his cool, smiled and maintained a good attitude. Whenever the patron tried to impose his way, he responded kindly yet firmly.
Why is this approach so much more effective then replying with the same negative tone?
Because it’s unexpected.
Most people who are habitually rude or angry are used to getting rude or angry responses.
When such a person doesn’t get the usual reaction, it’s disarming. They’re like a deer caught in headlights. They have a hard time processing what’s happening. Usually that brief moment will be enough to severely reduce someone’s state of anger. It also give you an opportunity to swoop in and prevent the other person from escalating. On top of that, most people will struggle to berate someone who is smiling and being nice to them.
It’s a useful approach to diffusing a situation, all the while avoiding getting angry yourself.
Fight With Kindness
You might not be a waiter/waitress, but you might find yourself in a position facing someone difficult. As a...
Customer service rep listening to a short tempered caller
Teacher facing upset parents
Small business owner reading a rude online review
The worst thing you can possibly do is to react with the same negative tone. You’ll get angry, they’ll get more angry, and ultimately you’ll be the one losing.
Instead, try the following approach:
Take long deep breath (but not in front of the person)
Try to put on a genuine smile
Think to yourself: I will fight them with kindness
Act as pleasant, calm and kind as you can. Be careful not to talk down, infantilize or patronize the other person, which might make things worse.
If other person escalates, stand your ground. Be firm but keep doing what you’re doing. You can say the following: “I would very much like to help you, but could I ask you to slow down a bit?’’
It doesn’t seem intuitive, but being nice and helpful can be quite disarming. Without having to tell or ask, people will usually tone themselves down. After all, it’s hard being rude or angry when the person in front of you is treating you well.
You have a very powerful tool in your belt: kindness.
Use it to win your way.
Post Script
For those curious as to what happened with the waiter and the tip, here’s the conclusion to the story:
Anyways, I told the owner about it and he was livid. He told me to come get him at they were leaving— and I did. He went over and checked the table to confirm they didn’t tip and he caught up to them while they were leaving and told them they weren’t welcome back.
The dude BLEW UP. He was like “I OFFERED TO TIP HIM AND HE REFUSED IT!”
The owner told him that he wasn’t obliged to tip— but he wasn’t going to make his staff deal with some degrading game like that. Especially not for what would amount to a 7% tip.
It was a whole scene that culminated in the guy demanding that the owner give him the number for the “corporate office.” The owner explained that the restaurant wasn’t a franchise or chain— he was the owner and there was no one above him to complain to.
The guy goes “I don’t care! Give me the card of someone I can contact about this!”
The owner reaches into his pocket and gives him his business card. “Alright. Here’s my card. You can call that number there from 6AM to 4PM Tuesday through Friday and we can talk about this again. But you’re still not welcome back.”
The guy snatches the card and says “Fine, thank you!” and leaves. Just so happy that he got what he wanted that he didn’t even realize it was a meaningless victory.
Thanks very much for reading!
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Matthieu